BLOG: My interview with Jamie, a former train driver, who witnessed suicide at work three years ago

Today, I met with Jamie Matterface, a former train driver who witnessed a gentleman take his own life by standing in front of her train three years ago, at Rayner's Park, London.

We met at Bournemouth University and the interview was conducted in a quiet study room in the library.

I was very nervous before meeting Jamie because I knew that the questions I would be asking her were highly personal and sensitive and could potentially make her feel uncomfortable or bring back negative memories.

After speaking with Jamie about her drive to the university and how her morning had been, I felt a bit more relaxed and so began asking my questions.

I asked her to take me through the suicidal event itself in as much detail as she felt comfortable with, the struggles she faced afterwards and the help she sought. I also asked her about the help she now provides to other drivers in her role as Deputy Driver Depot Manager at Waterloo.

Throughout the interview, I was very conscious not to push Jamie to answer anything that she didn't feel comfortable with. However, I still asked the questions that I felt would be important for people to hear her response to.

After an hour and forty minutes, the interview concluded.

It was not like any other interview I had been involved in before. Jamie was very open with me, expressing exactly how she felt when the event happened and the struggles she still faces now.

There was one point in the interview where my position as a professional journalist was tested. Jamie was explaining how she had felt numb after the incident and thought she should have felt more. She said that she didn't cry until three days later and this worried her. It was then that she paused...for almost five seconds the room was silent. I wasn't sure whether to interrupt to reassure her and tell her she didn't need to continue, but I waited. It was difficult because I could see she was struggling. She took a deep breath before saying "sometimes those periods of it are the periods which you do forget".

I felt that I had caused her to relive moments that she had pushed to the back of her mind. However, I remained professional and said thank you to her for being so open. It would have been easy for her to choose not to speak of times or memories that would cause upset but she did.

Whilst it was difficult to see Jamie upset, it really showed to me how brave she was to agree to and speak so openly and rawly about a very traumatic incident.

This was a poignant moment for me as reinforced how important it is for people like Jamie to speak out about her experiences. It made me want to (even more so than before) do her story justice in the hope of helping others like her who listen to my documentary.